As expected, my test came back negative. So we will start this whole thing over again soon. Upside: I can stop taking that nasty progesterone. Downside: another month of hoping, praying, and waiting.
I'm sad, but honestly I don't feel as bad as I thought I would. It's comforting to at least KNOW. Now I can prepare myself for another go instead of clinging onto false hope. C has been very supportive as well. We got the call during lunch on Monday, so it was nice that we heard the news together and got to talk it out. I've learned that his way of dealing with this stuff is just different than mine, and that he does care about the outcome even though on the outside it may not seem so. Funny how men and women can be so different.
I finally talked to my work bff about everything. Didn't go into details, but told her we've been getting treatment and that I tested negative this month. She's pregnant with her second, but unlike a lot of other posts I've been reading, I don't try to avoid her or get sad when I see her. That's selfish and unfair to her! I think I've learned my lesson on jealousy. It was really great to talk to her though, because unlike my other friends, she is interested in kids and talking about the process. Some of my other friends can't relate to what I'm going through because they are just at completely different points in their lives. Nothing is wrong with that... it's just nice to finally talk to someone who can somewhat relate.
Anyway - we are taking the next step in our journey. I'm trying to stay positive and not think about what happens if we keep getting negatives. Honestly, I don't know what we would do if we had to move to IVF. There are just so many moral ambiguities. Also not sure if I could put myself through the stress either. BUT... like I just mentioned... trying to not jump too far ahead of myself.
One day at a time. Focusing on the fact that I am doing everything in my power to overcome infertility... and right now, that's all I can do!
No comments:
Post a Comment